Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dear White People,

I say this because I care.

Don't ever fucking wear a khaki shirt with your khaki cargo pants. Especially when the shirt is long sleeved.

It makes you look like you've been up to some serious Silence Of The Lambs/Buffalo Bill shit.

Let's face it, no one wants to be friends with someone who looks like they are wearing someone else's skin.

You look naked and it's disgusting. It would be different if you actually were naked, but the fact that you choose to wear those clothes, makes you a terrible person. No one wants to think about the fat man you watched at the park for months just so you could lure him into your dungeon of a basement, force him to rub lotion onto his skin (at least your clothes aren't scaly and dry, I mean you did something right), starve him to death (a risky move by the way, what would you have done had he lost a ton of weight? He would be useless then, his form fitting skin would be unfit [no pun intended] for your new baggy birthday suit), and then fashion his skin into not just a pair a pants, but also a shirt, by; cutting here, hemming there, and applying zippers and buttons where needed.

Yours Truly,
Kyle Daniels


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Found ya! Now I'm gonna rape ya!

Hey honey, you know that game me play?
Yeah, the one where I put on the ski mask, and you pretend to be afraid as I sexually "assault" you.

Well you're really gonna love this, I found this thing on the internet, it's called the mobile spy.
It can find you at any time, any day.

So, lets just say that game we play is about to get a lot more realistic.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Hear ye, hear ye, IT'S SUMMER.

So summer is here!
Well, it has been summer for awhile, but since it has been months since my last post...

Now time for a quick quiz on summer!

Q:What defines summer?
A)Blistering heat
B)Road trips
C)Sun burn
D)Being burned by the sun
E)Shameful trips to your Aunt's house
F)Not putting on enough sunscreen, thus resulting in a burn from the sun
G)Sitting at home for days on end because you have no friends
I )Sun burn?
J)Summer loving, having a blast, summer loving, wish it would last
K)Trying to lose your kid at an amusement park
L)Getting molested at rest stops while on road trips
L)Losing your kid at an amusement park
N)Really bad sunburn
O) Swimming


The answer is swimming.

The rest of those things have no correlation to the season of Summer.

So now that you have completed the quiz, I'm now going to tell you about swimming.
I am not going to tell you about swimming.

But I will tell you that I just started swimming again.
When I was in middle school I developed a strong distaste for swimming, and swam only a handful of times throughout all of middle school.
And before last week, the last time I had swam was just about 3 years ago.
This experience kept me away from swimming for such a long time because;
A) I was forced to swim
B) It was filthy(the main reason I stopped swimming while in middle school)

So after 3 long years of a swimless life, I just decided to give it another shot.
I woke up one day and forced my friend to go swimming with me.
I figured that if I was going to try and swim again, it might as well be at the holy grail of disgusting swimming holes; the public pool.

As I had not swam in over 3 years, I did not own a swimming suit, so I had to use a pair of gym shorts.
Long story short, I really enjoyed swimming. It was great, and I truly had been missing out.

So, a few days later I went out and bought a swimming suit. Nothing fancy, I mean who cares what you look like while you are swimming? You are bathing in other people's filth, it is hard to look good while doing that.

I really wish I could write more, but I have to go to work!
I enjoyed swimming, and will be swimming the crap out of this summer.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Yep. It's the party room.
It may be hard to read, but the neon sign reads "party room", I had to try and look inconspicuous so all the people didn't think I was taking a picture of them.
What is the party room? No one knows...
But the oriental restaurant where the party room resides is quite strange. They went from playing some sort of oriental pop music, then Akon, and then Kenny G. I kind of stopped listening after that... Quite the variety in music.

Anyways, today my father and I went to an oriental market to get some Chinese food. The food was pretty good, but it reminded me that we needed to pick some soy sauce up for our house. So after we finished eating, we went next door to the oriental super market and picked some soy sauce up.
While we were there, my dad decided that he wanted to get a boba, so I got one too. The people there were really nice, and the girl working the cash register chuckled when my dad referred to the tapioca pearls as "goobers".
But when I was looking at the cup, I noticed something peculiar; they spelled Fort Worth Wrong.In case the picture is unclear to you, the cup reads "Fore Worth, TX"
I could not tell you why I found this so funny, I just did.

Saturday, January 31, 2009


Here is the real question: Who wouldn't want to be a cop after seeing what this guy is doing?

I mean what the hell?
I have no idea what this guy could be doing!
Capturing terrorists?
Stopping a bank robbery?
Just being a bad ass?
For all I know he is doing all of the above.

I mean just take a look at what is in his hands. Nothing says "I'M A MAN DAMMIT!", more than whatever that thing is. Is it a gun? Is it a grenade launcher? Who cares?! He is a man, and he know his place.

Oh, and what really makes this whole picture great is old glory in the background. I wish every cop in the world had an American flag following them, flying high and proud, wherever they went. That is right. Every cop in the world. Look out Japan, HERE COMES AMERICA.